She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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