So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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