omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
