i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
