My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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