Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
