No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
