my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
