She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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