how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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