C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
