just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize