Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
