..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
