she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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