So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
