we made out on top of his cat.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
