hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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