I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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