Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
