she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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