woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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