yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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