Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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