so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
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Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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