You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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