capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
