are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
