The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
This is my gift to your gina
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
