you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
