i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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