I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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