I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
