VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
