I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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