I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just pee around me
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
