My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
