Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize