i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
