Do you still have your period?
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
