She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
