And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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