I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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