i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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