please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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