Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
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