Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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