420 ftw
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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