I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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