At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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