so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
