no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
