i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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