a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You pole danced in your parka.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
