Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
