Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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