somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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