He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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