Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
