have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
