tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm getting married
To pizza
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
