It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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