I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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