and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??