I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
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its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
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He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT