your room smells of hookers.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
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Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
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I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.