i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit