I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
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she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
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I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?