Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
