My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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