So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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