The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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