I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
