I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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