Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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