That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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