we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
