I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
