i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
